Every now and then I hear a message that I just have to share. A visitor to my blog "Looking For The Long Ride" turned me onto John Lynch's "True Faced With God" mp3 and I will pass along the blessing.

I listened to it this morning as I worked out at the gym and once again with my wife this afternoon (I took the day off work).

It is no doubt what I needed today.

Hope you enjoy.


True Faced by John Lynch

It has been some time since I sat down to write anything specifically for the Reluctant Servant. Not that I don't have thoughts everyday that could potentially become historic bloggings, but my time has seemed to get used for other things during this mostly dry summer in the mountains of North Carolina.

My spiritual journey has not stopped—I have recently read "The Jake Book" (So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore) and "Pagan Christianity" and continue to attend a local church gathering and listen to podcasts on the God Journey and Free Believers websites.

Last Saturday I took one of the best road-bike rides of my life as me and my biking buddy Glen took a shot off the beaten path and explored a new road with the name of Big Laurel. I had just finished listening to a podcast entitled "Walking In The Spirit" on the Free Believers site and was stirred up enough to need one of those special Saturdays.

We ended up riding about 43 miles and really enjoying the scenery that was laid out before us—with no pressure to be anywhere at any certain time—we lingered at an easy pace (about 13-14 miles per hour) and just drank up the surrounding area with all our senses. What a delight!

What I mean by stirred up is that I was sufficiently challenged by the "Walking In The Spirit" podcast to begin once again to take a look at the way I was allowing my Christian beliefs to work their way out in me. My conclusion on Friday evening was that I was not living my life to its fullest and that I needed to take time to stop and smell the roses in the middle of doing everything I could think of that had "life in the spirit" surrounding it. In other words—the time is now to live and not wait until we have a full understanding of all that we think or do.

We will never figure it all out and in order to enjoy our lives and where we are at any given moment is to stop thinking in the old ways and embrace the new. Not that we throw the baby out with the bathwater but at least we have to look at what is in the tub to begin with.

A couple of miles into the new road, I noticed a very large feather stuck into the rocks on the road's shoulder. My buddy was ahead of me and I yelled to him that I was going to turn around and get the feather—which is no easy job on a narrow, two lane road when your feet are clipped into your peddles. But get the feather I did and stuck it into my tool kit on the back of my seat and it now rests on top of one of our cabinets at home.

It was a spiritual moment—one that I allowed my self—foolish as it seemed at the time—to fully enjoy.

When I say I needed a good ride I mean to say that the fellowship and exercise provided by biking is second to none in my opinion. However, it is like any other endeavor in the fact that you build up your stamina to a degree each time you participate in that exercise. When I first started biking, I would look at a hill I now climb with relative ease and decide not to tackle it. Much like golf, biking is part mental and part physical—in other words, if you think you can do it, you will take a shot and make it or not you have tried. The next time, you will probably make the putting green or the top of the hill with a little more finesse.

I guess the bottom line is this: I am beginning to understand that much of what I "believe" needs to be re-examined. Much of what I think I know has been fed to me by an institutional church system that is not about my freedom in Christ but my allegiance to whatever it is "they believe". I took part in this system most of my adult life—I even fostered it to some degree and defended it to people who were on their way out.

And much as I took a ride off the beaten path the other day, I need to allow myself the opportunity to explore the territory of my life—in order to know God I have to get rid of some of what I think I know in order to find the truth of what is out there.

It's somewhat like that old Zen story:

A Cup of Tea

Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), received a university professor who came to inquire about Zen.

Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor's cup full, and then kept on pouring.

The professor watched the overflow until he no longer could restrain himself. "It is overfull. No more will go in!"

"Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?"

I fully understand that this is a dangerous proposition from a worldly standpoint—it opens me up to deception. But I firmly believe that He who began a good work in me will carry it until the end.

And with that confidence I will look for roads that I have never traveled and trust that I will always be able to find my way home.

A friend of mine forwarded this e-mail to me today and I got a good laugh out of it. In light of recent political stuff I thought you would enjoy it.

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.''No problem, just let me in,' says the man.'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven.
 
Then you can choose where to spend eternity.''Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator.'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.'Now it's time to visit heaven.'So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.'The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club house, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?'The devil looks at him, smiles and say s, "Yesterday we were campaigning ... Today you voted."

I really do think that the human nature in all of us is looking for perfection—admit it or not—we would like the perfect job, the perfect wife, perfect kids, house and life. And oh yeah—the perfect church.

But it is sort of like what that unnamed comedian said at one point: I don't want to be a member of any organization that would accept me as a member.

We live with high ideals as to what we belong to will accept—little do we realize that we have painted ourselves into a corner.

I used to relate to people based on what they thought of the church we attended or the pastor or home group we were a part of. If they were not at "church" on Sunday, it was a mark against their good character. As if attending a meeting every week meant anything in the overall scheme of things.

In other words, there is really a time in our lives when we relate to the people around us in terms of the organizations we belong to rather than the fellowship we find in our daily lives. But oh how shallow that view of friendship and the world we live in is. And how limiting it is to our development as human beings.

At this point in my life I could care less what you think of the meetings I attend. I am even to the point of believing that people who don't come to regular meetings are in reality a part of the church I belong to. We will continue to invite them to our house for dinner and social events and if they never come to the Sunday meeting, they are still a apart of the body that we are a part of.

This is a radical and very much a God thing. I was all about the organization for many, many years. That is until those that led the organization made sure that I could never live up to what they expected for me to be a part of what they were promoting.

But old mind-sets are hard to fully get rid of and I find myself wanting to fall back into the box that I have finally pulled my self out of.

The secret is to begin to forgive ourselves and give ourselves the grace to be who we are rather than buying into what someone else thinks we should be in order to be a proper Christian.

We need to get onto what God has set before us and not expect everyone else to follow suit—hook line and sinker. Grace means just that—Gods Riches At Christ's Expense.

I haven't said a lot today—but hopefully I have said enough.

This is the text of my fourth day talk during last Sunday evening's gathering here in Boone, NC. As many of you know, the walk to Emmaus is a great faith builder and and help to the local church. If you ever have the opportunity to talk the walk, do it, you will always be glad you did.


Men’s Walk 60
Table of Paul
2/19/2004


In August of 2003 I was able to fulfill a life long dream by traveling to Africa and visiting Christian missionaries and go on safari. Aside from marriage to my wife Sandi and the birth of my four children, this was the highlight of my life.

When I returned from Africa, almost unbeknownst to me, I was a changed man. And to top it off, the first day back at work after two weeks in Africa, the management team at work had begun a weekly prayer time to which I was quickly invited.

Needless to say, this event provided me with a lot of food for thought and I began to form a new perspective on what it meant to be a Christian.

Around this same time, some people I worked with, who had been on a walk and will go unnamed but one of them is Carolyn Fogle, thought I would really enjoy participating in one myself. I had attended a non-denominational church for many years and most of who I worked with attended BUMC, but the thought of getting time away intrigued me, so I said yes—not really knowing what I was getting myself into and feeling like a little fish in a great big pool of water.

On February 19th, 2004, after prayer in the foyer of BUMC, my bags were loaded for me into a car and we made the trip to Kingsport and what was to be the next largest event in my life.

However, as Paul Harvey says, here is the story behind the story. About the end of January, my body began to tell me in a not very subtle achy way that the Candida infection that I had fought with several years earlier had returned. Since I was familiar with it, I began to fight it as soon as I realized it wasn’t the flu or just being tired all the time.

Having had this infection before and beating it, I knew that there would be some bad weeks before I could get my body back under control. I continued to work and really didn’t share with anyone what was going on. I even remember being asked by Bobby Sharp, who was in the car with me on the way up to Kingsport, what my prayer needs were and I told him an unspecified illness. By this time I was in really bad shape and had no idea what I was getting into. I had lots of probiotic fungal fighters in my bag along with a lot of Advil and began to dose myself in order to make it through the weekend. My fingers and joints were stiff and swollen and the thought of lowering myself into a piece of foam on the floor was less than inviting—much less trying to get up in the morning. I remember even having to have some guys help me get my t-shirt off.

In the midst of all this God showed up and helped me not only make it through the weekend but also helped me get rid of a lot of baggage that was holding me back. As my spirit was healed my body followed. And even though my fingers were so stiff I couldn’t form the chords to play the guitar, I was able to make music on several of the pianos that were scattered around the church we were in. A gift from a loving father in the midst of the storm.

If going to Africa was life changing, the 72-hour walk was like a re-birth—a re-discovery of my faith in every act of food service and kindness that the Emmaus community parceled out during that weekend in Kingsport.

I preparing for this 4th day talk, I found and re-read the letters that I was given and after all these years was once again touched and brought to tears by the caring that was literally hanging over all of them. I was also slightly rebuked by the Holy Spirit when I thought that I have not really been a good 4th day Emmaus guy and sought out all those people I know who could use a little of the gift that I received from all of you.  Giving a friend a new car pales in comparison to helping them find the way to a walk. But enough about that.

Little was I to know that in the years following my walk I would lose my mother, leave the church I had attended for 22 years and face many personal challenges at work and in other arenas.

I would like to tell you that the exhilaration that I had on the Emmaus mountaintop upon leaving the chapel on that last day has not only continued but has grown stronger and stronger—but I can’t really say that.


I would like to tell you that my 72 hour time away turned me into a mighty man of God able to pray without ceasing and be content in whatever circumstances that I find myself in—but I can’t really do that.

And while I can’t tell you that I have mastered all the spiritual disciplines, I can tell you this: that He who began a good work in me will continue until it is finished. What I can tell you about my many fourth days since my walk is that God has kept His end of the covenant He made with me the day I gave Him my heart. That He has never left me or forsaken me and that he has “raised me from the dead” so to speak as pertains to me losing faith in the world around me.

That he has taken me out of an abusive church relationship and place me in a family who cares for me and believes in me—warts and all. That He has restored my voice both musically and poetically and that the gatherings have been a big part in healing my wounded heart.

I have lived a fourth day that saw me getting a card from my 24 year old son, a recent NC State graduate, telling me that he thought I did a good job in being a dad and a father to him

We are all on a pilgrimage. I just returned a half an hour ago from a funeral of a friend I went to church with in Ashe County in the early 80’s. His earthly pilgrimage is over but ours remains—our journey not yet finished.

God still speaks to his people in many and varied ways. A biking buddy of mine once told me that he appreciated my insight into his life. After a moment of thought I told him that it wasn’t me speaking but God inside who was very concerned with Him and his life. Anything good that I do comes from God and this through His son Jesus. My goal is to try and stay healthy so that I have more fourth days and really begin to learn what they are all about.


De Colores.

Just the other day I was impressed with the idea that the man I have become on the outside, is not really a true picture of the man I am on the inside. A look in the mirror in the morning will tell me, if I choose to believe what I am seeing through a cultural filter, that the signs of aging I see reflected back at me are not all that attractive.

There are lines where there used to be smooth skin and my overall complexion is one of a man who has seen his share of beaches and outdoor activities. I am not complaining mind you—simply stating a fact. And the fact is that if I were to keep this image in front of me—this image of who I am becoming—I might never get out of bed again.

Long ago I decided for my own benefit that I would allow myself one viewing in the morning in order to comb my hair and make sure that I hadn't turned into some space creature overnight. I would ignore the prompts to look in store windows as I passed just to make sure I was still looking good. I would rely on the mental image of myself to be my guide during my daily interactions with family and  co-workers and friends. And this philosophy has served me well. Even though I am 58 I still hold an image of a 30 year old inside my mind's eye of who I am. I know this is somehow unbalanced in a certain sort of way but I can't really see a downside to this thought process at present.

So you can readily see that to come to grips with the aging process is a big step in this particular passage of my life. Part of who I am is wrapped up in who I think you see when you look at me. Not that I consider myself a Brad Pitt sort of fellow—more like a High Grant everyday person. I am influenced by the culture that surrounds me almost as much as I am influenced by the eternal word of God. Maybe more sometimes.

In Ecclesiastes 3:11 I read—He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

I know somehow that when my heavenly Father looks at me he doesn't focus on the temporal me, that guy who I see in the mirror every morning. He sees me through the lens of Jesus and the potential that is stored up in me.

As my wife and I discussed the subject of getting older the other evening, she concluded that I ought to put my energy into honing my spiritual gifts rather than into trying to figure this whole aging thing out.
And she is probably right—whether or not I am able to articulate my feelings about the signs of getting older and all that probably is just another rabbit chase. The aging process is going to continue despite all the thought I choose to allocate to it.

And I guess that is partly the point of bringing it up in the first place—to work through it and move on—not get stuck in the middle somewhere. What really matters is not what I look like in relation to what the world says is beautiful and lovely but what I know in my heart is true.

A friend of mine is into creating slide shows for families to show at funeral services. We have all seen these presentations and as we see the pictures of a person's life flash upon a screen we do not remember so much what they looked like at any particular point in their life but what they did with life in general and who they touched or what they meant to us.

In other words, when the slide show is over and every one goes home, it will be our deeds that are remembered and not what we looked like at any particular point in our lives. I can live with that and the notion that my excitement about life and my relationships with my family, friends and a most holy heavenly Father are what really count.

I guess my prophetic farmer friend Alan is on the move. I say this because he has doubled the downloadable content on his website  Alan's Teachings two-fold in the last week.

Alan is one of the most genuine guys I have ever met. I don't say this only because he appreciates me for who God made me...but because he is as real as any person I have ever met. You would never know from just talking with him that he has rubbed elbows with some of the most important movers and shakers in the current Christian community. He would never tell you that unless you asked. And maybe not even then.

He lives to serve and help people achieve their destiny in God. Knowing Alan is like knowing Billy Graham but in a little different sense. I don't think Alan has been on TV. Maybe he has and just hasn't gotten around to sharing that with me.

Anyway...click the link above and go directly to his website and feast on what he has to say.

I hope that you have enjoyed Alan's message on perceptions. Part two will be available soon and he has just done a part three. I will keep you posted and let you know when they are downloadable.

I have recently come to the conclusion that life is not as easy as the "name it and claim it" bunch attest—but neither is it as hard as we sometimes make it. Truth is truth wherever you find it—in the Bible or written on the wall at the bus station.

I read an old e-mail from a person I used to know well and in it he had copied some written points from a "what it means to be a success" kind of book. One of the points was that most people who are sucessful are people who respect themselves and don't go looking for respect or validation from others—ie. if you don't respect yourself it is hard to have respect for someone else.

The spiritual dynamic surrounding this concept is many-fold—if our parents didn't give us the validation and feelings of worth we felt we needed, many of us in that boat are still looking for that acceptance in the people we work with and fellowship with. To that end we may give these people a lot more weight in our lives than perhaps they deserve to have. We may even go as far as to perceive them as being someone they are not in our need to have them like us or give us that feeling of belonging that we are always looking for.

The bible tells me that I am accepted in the beloved and I fully believe that—yet I have to wonder sometimes why I have such a problem putting the pedal to the metal in relation to that understanding. If my worth comes from God, why and I still looking for some of it elsewhere?

As we move forward in our life's trip, the exploratory process that will move us on—though painful at times—is not without mercy. We look, we find, we forgive, we release and move on. The light of God has to hit the darkness that is in us before we can see what is there and take the crowbar to it.

Sandi and I are going to take some time out next week to attend the Morningstar Worship and Warfare Conference in Charlotte. Todd Bentley and Jason Upton will be there along with the Morningstar regulars. It is a three day deal and I am sure that things are going to happen to propel us even further into our unhindered future.

So what if we didn't get to go to New York this year—there obviously were other things in mind for us. I can flow with that and New York will still be there next year.

Life has it's very own way of presenting us with just enough stuff to handle in order to keep us busy and almost off-hook with making any sort of definable progress—be it an exercise program or reading the bible everyday.

Most of us are wise enough by this time to not get caught up in the beginning of the year resolutions that were very popular when we we young. They didn't work then and they don't work now. What works is a change of heart.

And I might also add at this point a change of perspective.

How we view ourselves at home/at work/ at rest and how we view ourselves in Christ and what He has done for us is increasingly more important as cultural time proceeds down its' slippery slope. At this point in my Christian walk I know that I don't see myself totally as I should and this not seeing clearly manifests itself in insecurity, anger and lack of patience and understanding towards others—just to name the ones we all deal with on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.

However dark the few clouds in my life's sky seem today, I really am making progress towards being an authentic person and becoming more and more free of the bad habits and character flaws that have kept me from totally seeing the "peace that passes all understanding".

I could go on but that is not the point of this post—the real point is to introduce you to a friend of mine I have referred to here and at lookingforthelongride as my farmer friend Alan. Among many other talents that Alan has is one of teaching the word in an authoritative and interesting fashion. A couple of months ago he was recorded in a church in Taylorsville, NC speaking on "Perceptions". I haven't yet listened to the whole thing but from what I have read about this teaching in his newsletter, it is going to be rich and worth the time. I have shrunk the MP3 down to a managable size and parked it for listening at my website homepage. It is at the bottom of the page. Let me know what you think.

I will never be able to figure out why life plays itself out in the way that it does. I get the demarcation points: infancy, childhood, young adult, twenties, thirties and beyond. What I don't get is the time it takes to begin to come to an understanding of it all and the beginning of a self-actualized life—one that I believe is biblical, realistic and achievable at the same time.

Last week I talked about breakthrough as if it was a singular event followed by a string of successful stock trades that would make a person rich and fulfilled for the rest of his days. That was my infant talking.

On Sunday, my teenage self was able to attend a prohectic movement workshop and and once again visit an area of body that was almost starved out by my fear of man. During the workshop there was one exercise where all we had to do was jump up and down and smile—until you have tried it you won't be able to even imagine what it can do for your attitude. I don't know the science behind what movement and smiles do for you, but it is almost like the law of gravity—you don't have to understand it to know that it works.

David danced before the Lord and was not ashamed—why should I be.

Yes...a new day has dawned and the hope for the future is bright.

Two weeks ago I was not able to ride my bike up a steep hill on a very nice route. As I approached the hill my fear of not having enough breath and not being able to be in control about half-way up the hill kept me from trying it (I had made the hill a few times in the past). As a result I walked it and then made the rest of the ride—about thirty miles.

After meeting with my lay therapist friend and begininng to identify some of my hangups and release them (this is the short version) I was able to make the hill and add another ten miles to my routine—forty miles in all on a day that was almost perfect in all aspects—weatherwise and fellowship-wise.

I have also begun to see that no one can make me mad or really do anything to me that I don't give them permission to do. Your actions cannot make me mad—I make myself mad. Once we realize this, life begins to open up all over the place. Once I have made myself mad, you move on and I am left with whatever I have done with what happened. I haven't hurt you by being mad—only myself.

Well that dog ain't going to hunt anymore on my property.

I haven't reached perfection or a total understanding into the dynamics of life—but a beginning has definately been made—a beginning that I am not going to give away or abandon. I really do want to know what makes me tick and then begin to tick to a beat that has life written all over it rather than the beat of death.

It is after all, for freedom that we have been set free. And once you begin that ride, the rest begins to fall into place. Just like a picture postcard you find in one of those scenic shops off the main highway.