Parable of the Two Sons
I have always related to the story in the Bible about the father who individually asked his two sons to go work in the vineyards. One said he would and didn't go—the other fussed about it and at first didn't go but thought better about it and went. The question was then asked as to which one had done the will of the father.
I will have to admit that I normally hesitate at first when asked to do anything which leads me to believe I would have made a bad soldier in the Army—when asked to jump you do and ask questions about it later.
As I have progressed in things spiritual, I have gone from saying no at first most of the time and then a day or so later saying yes—to only taking a few minutes or hours to realize I have made the wrong reply. In other words, I sense and see a "reluctance" working in my life—even after all these years of claiming to be a Christian.
According to the dictionary, reluctance implies: "...some sort of mental struggle, as between disinclination and sense of duty."
Passionate people should not be a reluctant people—so does my reluctance indicate a lack of passion and perhaps an authenticity in my life that needs to be looked at or investigated as you would a meteor that has just fallen to earth from a distant planet.
I have reached that point in life where there are more questions than there are answers—and in a post-modern sense am in process of looking at everything I do and have done for the past couple of years beginning with my beliefs about church, duty and spirituality.
Even my relationship with my wife is in the hopper and getting stirred up a bit—the other night we got in the car and drove to the local greenway to take a walk rather than our regular walk around the neighborhood and back which we have done for almost 22 years on a regular basis.
It is out of the box yet our lives are at that point where they demand that we take a more active role in promoting our relationship. I have reached a hard-place where things that once came easy and therefore didn't get much attention are now front burner issues that have heated up to the point the tea pot is telling me to do something with it.
In reading a book entitled "Blue Like Jazz" the question is implied that if you are passionate about your relationship with Jesus, you will tell other people about it in a non-religious way as you would as if you we telling them about a great movie that you just saw—yet how many of us have shared our faith with anyone in the last several months—or gone out of our way to be friends with an interesting person we know is not a Christian yet. This is not a post about becoming "missional" but does beg the question about what we have done with what we have heard as Christians.
In my most recent thoughts I have become aware of the fact that I have served (when I did) my church and the people it is made up of out of a sense of duty and not out of a sincere love for all things Christ. I also know that it wasn't always that way but can't remember when things changed—when church became something I "did" rather than something I "was".
I (had) have a dream of a community of believers who so display the fragrance of God that their lives become like an irresistable force—like that "...out of their bellies will flow rivers of living water" type dynamic.
I also know that I never thought I would be where I am right now—a place of hard questions and doubt—when I thought everything would be all worked out and me and the missus would be cruising our way into retirement. We are cruising all right, but it is not to retirement—it is to weddings and farmer's markets and making extra money and finding time to do all those things people of our age should be doing by now.
We have lived in our house long enough that maintenance is required—pipes are developing leaks that need to be fixed and toilets need their internal organs replaced to keep from leaking and well performing freezers have now given up the ghost right after they received the ten gallons of hand-picked strawberries.
Rain has been sporatic but the weeds seem to disobey all the laws of nature and grow tall anyway. And you know how difficult it is to pull weeds out of dry packed ground without taking the rest of the plants with it.
I guess what I am saying in this first post—the process has begun and I am getting more comfortable with the fact that I am going to have to go with the flow of it or end up being a miserable old man at some point in the future.
And none of us want that—do we?
I will have to admit that I normally hesitate at first when asked to do anything which leads me to believe I would have made a bad soldier in the Army—when asked to jump you do and ask questions about it later.
As I have progressed in things spiritual, I have gone from saying no at first most of the time and then a day or so later saying yes—to only taking a few minutes or hours to realize I have made the wrong reply. In other words, I sense and see a "reluctance" working in my life—even after all these years of claiming to be a Christian.
According to the dictionary, reluctance implies: "...some sort of mental struggle, as between disinclination and sense of duty."
Passionate people should not be a reluctant people—so does my reluctance indicate a lack of passion and perhaps an authenticity in my life that needs to be looked at or investigated as you would a meteor that has just fallen to earth from a distant planet.
I have reached that point in life where there are more questions than there are answers—and in a post-modern sense am in process of looking at everything I do and have done for the past couple of years beginning with my beliefs about church, duty and spirituality.
Even my relationship with my wife is in the hopper and getting stirred up a bit—the other night we got in the car and drove to the local greenway to take a walk rather than our regular walk around the neighborhood and back which we have done for almost 22 years on a regular basis.
It is out of the box yet our lives are at that point where they demand that we take a more active role in promoting our relationship. I have reached a hard-place where things that once came easy and therefore didn't get much attention are now front burner issues that have heated up to the point the tea pot is telling me to do something with it.
In reading a book entitled "Blue Like Jazz" the question is implied that if you are passionate about your relationship with Jesus, you will tell other people about it in a non-religious way as you would as if you we telling them about a great movie that you just saw—yet how many of us have shared our faith with anyone in the last several months—or gone out of our way to be friends with an interesting person we know is not a Christian yet. This is not a post about becoming "missional" but does beg the question about what we have done with what we have heard as Christians.
In my most recent thoughts I have become aware of the fact that I have served (when I did) my church and the people it is made up of out of a sense of duty and not out of a sincere love for all things Christ. I also know that it wasn't always that way but can't remember when things changed—when church became something I "did" rather than something I "was".
I (had) have a dream of a community of believers who so display the fragrance of God that their lives become like an irresistable force—like that "...out of their bellies will flow rivers of living water" type dynamic.
I also know that I never thought I would be where I am right now—a place of hard questions and doubt—when I thought everything would be all worked out and me and the missus would be cruising our way into retirement. We are cruising all right, but it is not to retirement—it is to weddings and farmer's markets and making extra money and finding time to do all those things people of our age should be doing by now.
We have lived in our house long enough that maintenance is required—pipes are developing leaks that need to be fixed and toilets need their internal organs replaced to keep from leaking and well performing freezers have now given up the ghost right after they received the ten gallons of hand-picked strawberries.
Rain has been sporatic but the weeds seem to disobey all the laws of nature and grow tall anyway. And you know how difficult it is to pull weeds out of dry packed ground without taking the rest of the plants with it.
I guess what I am saying in this first post—the process has begun and I am getting more comfortable with the fact that I am going to have to go with the flow of it or end up being a miserable old man at some point in the future.
And none of us want that—do we?
You raise questions and state things about yourself so openly at once. All couched in this folksy, sublime manner which draws the reader in.
Yeah.
We are a community of faith whether we recognize it or not and we each are fulfilling the patterns of life which are our part. Along the way, we either love others or we don't.
Thanks for this.
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Based on your response I had to re-read my entry to see what I had said that led you to say what you did. I am like you, looking for truth wherever that may be found—in meals with friends, at the mall, in the classroom or on a bike ride. The box that I find myself in has not allowed me to be who I have been created to be—nor allowed me to love as I should. For that I repent and desire to move on into the mystery that is before me.
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Hi Terry
I've been looking at this and your other web site. I'm in the UK, rather older than you, with clear memories of hitch hiking - and being given a lift by an American Air Force Officer who was on his way to Paris!
I get the distinct impression that you are on what could be an exciting journey - maybe similar to the one I started out on over ten years ago.
I was told several years ago that I have a knack of asking the awkward questions to which there are no easy answers.
Would you like to share your thoughts?
My blog contains a link to my web site
Pete
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Thanks for stopping by. I will check out your site today. Yes...the ride will always get more interesting as we progress towards a true understanding of the church and what part we fit into as the body of Christ. My ride is being driven into some areas I can't discuss at this point...maybe more later.
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Hi Terry
Your suggestion that you hope I post a lot more in the future highlights a problem I have.
It has taken me seven years and many hundred hours of writing and rewriting to get where I have now with the web site. There are dozens of pages that are not linked to - some of which are definitely controversial (or unorthodox). I started out with a purpose, and that purpose changed quite significantly, four times in five years. I'm convinced that it was in writing the web site that I learned so much of what Father wanted me to understand - including quite a lot about why people believe what they have been taught even if it doesn't fit with the gospel story.
I have a picture of life as a series of stepping stones. I've reached a particular point on my journey where I sense Father saying, "I've brought you this far on your own. Now I'd like you to share that journey with others. I don't have anything new to say. The problem is in how to share some of my experiences and understanding at the right time and in the right way .
I created my two blogs as starting points. I'm not planning to add new posts - because any new posts would hide the introductory nature of what is there.
A couple of days ago I was asked if I could explain in a single email, "How has life moved on for you in the last year?" My answer is at http://uk.geocities.com/oldpete66/thelastyear.html
I've actually edited my blog to include this link.
At this stage I have no idea what happens next.
I'd appreciate any thoughts you might have
Pete
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I guess I understand....you have traveled the roads necessary and written what
you have found along the way. I can respect that.
I am still in process and have found a love for words and am hopefully being
used to bring some understanding to this whole thing of being out of the box.
Like is says in scripture, "...of the writing or blogs there is no end."
Have a great day in GB.
Terry
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Don't know who you are or how I ran across your "blogg" but I find it extremely interesting. So much so that I am going out this evening and look for the book "Blue Lake Jazz"
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I am just a guy who is processing his life sort of out loud and beginning to re-discover what it was I originally saw in the church and Christianity.
I the past couple of weeks I have traveled many miles to see a friend who was a part of a Derek Prince foundation series class I taught many years ago become a pastor in a little Methodist church in the middle of almost nowhere—led an Emmaus gathering in praise and worship—worshipped with another church group and biked miles and miles with a friend.
Glad you stopped by and let me know what you think of the book.
Check out lookingforthelongride as well if you already haven't.
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