In seems like in life as we navigate through our respective courses we reach a point where the choices become many and the need for clarity, direction and purpose become something that takes our full attention—and if our goals are not reached we come to a point of frustration: a deadend if you will. As we are not created to live in a corner somewhere by ourselves forward motion is needed to keep us moving on the path that is set before us.

Sure, there are times of rest and relaxation—times of renewal and even times of doing absolutely nothing at all. You can't always be planting or tending the garden—sometimes we just need to pull up the easy chair and take in everything that is around us.

If you are like me, when these points of departure are reached what is needed is a breakthrough in order for us to get beyond what is today and what tomorrow will be for us if we are in a position to see it for what it is.

A breakthrough is defined as: an act or instance of removing or surpassing an obstruction or restriction; the overcoming of a stalemate.

In my last post I mentioned fasting ice cream and wine but didn't really go into the dynamics of what brought me to this point in the past couple of weeks.

After attending the movie premier of "The List" I began to realize that I still had some very deep feelings about some of the people involved in the church I attended for 22 years. I thought that I had resolved most of these things and had found a place to file them but apparently had missed a few. What I then realized is that I had been avoiding dealing with these feelings that were just deep enough to be hidden from my sight but were a active part of what I was feeling and dealing with on a more or less conscious plain. In other words that extra glass of Merlot at night was really being used as an attempt to mask what was really going on underneath the surface of my life.

But the Holy Spirit is faithful to let us only go for so long on our solo path and seeing those people at the movie premier was His way of bringing my frustration to the light so that He could help me deal with it and achieve the breakthrough that is needed.

In the process of working through this latest and significant part of my freedom quest, I talked to my farmer friend Alan in order to get his perspective on the steps I needed to take to get to the next town on the map of my life. He told me that my feelings towards the people from my past were probably not as strong as the feelings I had towards what these people represented in my life. In other words our struggle is not against flesh and blood but principalities and powers. And that even though he understood my struggle and desire to get beyond these feelings—being less of who I am or cuttting off a part of me was not the way to work through the mess and achieve breakthrough.  The way forward is not through lobotomy but acutally lies in becoming more of who we are rather than cutting off a part of ourselves that has been minimalized or has gotten us into conflict with others in the past.

And I just wanted to get beyond my problems. Here was a friend offering me a way to actually become victorious rather than just make it through an uncomfortable place.

So I thought that the best way to achieve this was with a clear head and this is what I found. Giving up wine for a time has helped me see that everything is still the same yet at the same time has allowed me to rest in what is really going on and let the process of God and time take me to that place of healing and breakthrough.

Today, I will visit a friend who will help me clear out some old thought patterns and and break out of the rut that I have been in—I can hardly wait. Then I will take a swim and let the water of life surround me—I will breathe deep and begin to look forward to the ride ahead of me.