I will never be able to figure out why life plays itself out in the way that it does. I get the demarcation points: infancy, childhood, young adult, twenties, thirties and beyond. What I don't get is the time it takes to begin to come to an understanding of it all and the beginning of a self-actualized life—one that I believe is biblical, realistic and achievable at the same time.

Last week I talked about breakthrough as if it was a singular event followed by a string of successful stock trades that would make a person rich and fulfilled for the rest of his days. That was my infant talking.

On Sunday, my teenage self was able to attend a prohectic movement workshop and and once again visit an area of body that was almost starved out by my fear of man. During the workshop there was one exercise where all we had to do was jump up and down and smile—until you have tried it you won't be able to even imagine what it can do for your attitude. I don't know the science behind what movement and smiles do for you, but it is almost like the law of gravity—you don't have to understand it to know that it works.

David danced before the Lord and was not ashamed—why should I be.

Yes...a new day has dawned and the hope for the future is bright.

Two weeks ago I was not able to ride my bike up a steep hill on a very nice route. As I approached the hill my fear of not having enough breath and not being able to be in control about half-way up the hill kept me from trying it (I had made the hill a few times in the past). As a result I walked it and then made the rest of the ride—about thirty miles.

After meeting with my lay therapist friend and begininng to identify some of my hangups and release them (this is the short version) I was able to make the hill and add another ten miles to my routine—forty miles in all on a day that was almost perfect in all aspects—weatherwise and fellowship-wise.

I have also begun to see that no one can make me mad or really do anything to me that I don't give them permission to do. Your actions cannot make me mad—I make myself mad. Once we realize this, life begins to open up all over the place. Once I have made myself mad, you move on and I am left with whatever I have done with what happened. I haven't hurt you by being mad—only myself.

Well that dog ain't going to hunt anymore on my property.

I haven't reached perfection or a total understanding into the dynamics of life—but a beginning has definately been made—a beginning that I am not going to give away or abandon. I really do want to know what makes me tick and then begin to tick to a beat that has life written all over it rather than the beat of death.

It is after all, for freedom that we have been set free. And once you begin that ride, the rest begins to fall into place. Just like a picture postcard you find in one of those scenic shops off the main highway.